Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
