I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
