I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
