stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
