All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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