guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
