Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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