just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
