i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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