awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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