I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize