I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
