Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i love accidental penises.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
