I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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