oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
