Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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