Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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