His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
