Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
