We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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