Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
