I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
