She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So much rum. So many feels.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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