is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sext me about skeletons
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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