Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
