Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
