Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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