I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
