Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize