he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
