Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
