Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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