I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
