Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize