flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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