"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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