some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
A bitchslap is in order.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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