Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
people are starting to question the shark bite story
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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