OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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