If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
