i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
