just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Randomize
