these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
