You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
