Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
