you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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