he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
