I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
