i jhust puked up my retainher.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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