Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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