She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize