you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
