I love black thongs
I wish my penis had an off switch
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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