great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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