I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
