just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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