Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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