He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
