No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
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