M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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