I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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