I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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