Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
