PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
