Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
