I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
