i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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