Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
