Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I love how my cats smell like pot.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
