I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
