I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
