i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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