What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
