Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm like, not good at living.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
