I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
