I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
